True but thats because hes a fetus.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
