finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
