Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
