he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Come on in and take your pants off
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