Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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