i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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