You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
