my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
ttyl tear gas
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
