So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
