I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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