and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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