Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
