Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
