We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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