So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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