I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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