well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
