I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
