So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
