i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
