I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
