So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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