At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
