If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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