I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
