Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Bring me that man meat
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
