Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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