I cockslap morals
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
