In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Too much gin, very little bucket
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
