apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
