Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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