I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
