Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
