She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
