I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
