i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
