When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
