I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
