i think my tv is drunk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
