ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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