shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
