If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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