answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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