Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
