neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
