By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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