i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
