Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Randomize
