but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
