Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this will be a night to untag.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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